Friendship goodbyes

Friendship can be tricky. It is harder to form new friendships as an adult. But when you do form one it comes with a lot of baggage. When adult friendships happen that person has not been with you through hard times. When you are younger friendship tend to grow and adapt as you both get older. That person has been there through your rough times and your great times. A new friend as an adult has not. Over the past few years I was hit with the reality of who my true friends are. A few years ago I made new friends and I thought they were just great people and I really thought they cared about me. But when something happened they just cut off the friendship with out an explanation. One friend had got upset because I made a joke and she thought I was serious. That is all it took for her to end our friendship. I told her that what I said was a joke and to be honest she should have known because she knew my sense of humour and also knew that I would never say anything to hurt anybody. My friends that I grew up with would have accepted my explanation and moved on. They are the ones who if even if you get into an argument with each other they will still be there. Another friend of mine acted like I was a close friend and she opened up to me about a lot of personal stuff. Than after I had my baby and suffered post partum she just stopped talking to me. I asked her why and she said she didn’t want to bother me. Real friends know that when someone is has having a hard time they are not bothered by their friends checking up on them. They appreciate it and it helps to know you have someone who cares and that you can talk to if needed. Also a real friend is someone who even though you  haven’t got together in a long time it does not matter. When you do get together it is natural and like you have never been apart. Finding out who your true friends are can be hurtful and I wish people had the balls to you why they don’t want to be friend anymore. I wish they could just say that they are an asshole an be done with it. Ghosting someone after you have told them that they  consider you a best friend is just mean and immature. Do they not realize that they have just hurt someone who did nothing wrong. I have four friends in my life who would never abandon me . My best friend Kristy and my three really close friends Cindy, Erika and Sharon. I really appreciate you guys. I am happy in the knowledge that no matter how much time passes in seeing each other you will be there. They are the only ones that I know for sure would never just stop being friends with me just because I am going through a hard time. They would never say that they only want to be friends when I am happy. They are good people who would do they could to help or just be there as a shoulder to cry on. I feel bad for the friends that I lost as a an adult. I hate learning that someone really never game a damn about me. I guess some people don’t know what a friend truly is. I just wish people were more compassionate and understanding and can take a joke(never at their expense). I know those four friends of mine will be in my life always and I count myself lucky. We accept each others differences and are able to be ourselves around each other without worrying that the friendship is going to end. Anyway, I hope everyone has as least one friend in their life who is there for them. Being there for someone can make a difference to that person. It is hard to find out who your true friends are when you are down but I guess its better not to have a person in your life who only cares about you when you are happy. So thank you to my good friends. You guys are the best. And to all those who abandoned someone in their time of need grow the fuck up and don’t be so self centered. Treat your friends the way you would want to be treated and don’t complain if you have a friend who abandoned you because that is hypocritical. Learn what friendship truly is.

The absence of them is everywhere

Pets are people too. They make up a part of the family. I recently lost a member of my furry family. Her name was Jazz. She was a calico cat. She was small with a loud voice. She liked to chat all the time. She always to be on the couch with us. She was pushy about it. She was also protective. Some workers came into our unit and she promptly placed herself between me and them. Not having her around is strange. I miss the pushiness and I miss her soft fur. She was 17. So we had been through so much together. Her along with cat Eve were the first two cats that were mine. I picked them out. Well truthfully Eve picked me. I saw her in a cage on the floor of the animal shelter. All black and staring at me. I opened the cage and she leaped into my arms. I turned to my boyfriend at the time and said “we are getting this one. Best decision ever. She was sweet and funny. When she had to be put down it broke my heart. She was my cat. She only let me pick her up and kiss her on the head. She would cuddle with me only. I miss her so much.

I had a beautiful cat named Dexter. But when I had to move home I had to give him away. But I regretted it. The person who took him moved and just let him out of her car. He had never been in that area before and he never came back. I hope someone found him and gave him a good home because I cant bear to think of the alternative.

We also lost Freddy the all white cat with two different colored eyes. He was my husbands boy. He was a big cat but sweet.  I had to watch him die. It was horrific. He was having a heart attack right in front of me and than he was gone. It took five minutes but felt like five years. My husband still misses him to this day. We also lost freddys girlfriend Paige to diabetes. We didnt now she had it. She use to like to get into your underwear when you were using the bathroom. She liked being sung too as well.

The absence is heartbreaking sometimes and I will always miss them and carry the memories they gave me in my heart. When someone does not understand how awful it is to lose a pet they are an idiot. Even though we have them for a short time it is worth it because of what they bring to peoples lives.











Egg Chucking

via Daily Prompt: RetrospectiveRetrospective

In retrospect I was being immature. My husband and I lived in an apartment building with a lot of loud, shady people. One night at like 2 in the morning, some people were being so loud I decided to get even. I walked to my fridge and got some eggs. I opened our window a crack and starting chucking. They had no idea where they were coming from. I was laughing my ass off as they were all like “what the hell, who is the dickface throwing eggs”Retrospective“>

My broken brain


My brain feels like it is broken in two. One half is outgoing and kind etc. The other half is scared and on the thin line of sanity. My anxiety is very tender. The slightest poke and it flares into a monsterous beast from hell sucking my soul out. Than there are the times that I do feel peaceful. Those times are precious and times when I can think clearly and wonder why the hell do I ever get anxious.

My book

I decided to write a book chronicling my battle with anxiety and post partum depression. I did it because I had something to say. It is a small book but I thought what the hell. So if even one person is affected I will be happy. I self published through Amazon. So it will be available for kindle or paperback…Hope you enjoy it. It is called crazy normal:coming out of the anxiety closet by sarah hammond…if you type my name than it comes up on amazon

Daily Prompt: Ceremony

via Daily Prompt: CeremonyCeremony<a href="http://Ceremony“>

I think all people with anxiety, depression etc should have a big ceremony where we can all meet. We could discuss the issues surrounding mental illness. But if you are an anxious person you probably wont come because the idea of being in a crowd would scare you half to death. Maybe a ceremony is not a good idea.Unless it was an internet ceremony.

From Blog to book

I decided to write a book chronicling my battle with anxiety and post partum depression. I did it because I had something to say. So if even one person is affected I will be happy. I self published through Amazon. So it will be available for kindle or paperback…Hope you enjoy it. It is called crazy normal:coming out of the anxiety closet by sarah hammond…if you type my name than it comes up on amazon

Daily Prompt: Archaic

via Daily Prompt: ArchaicArchaic

Our view on mental illness needs to be changed. I am sure that back in the day a lot of people suffered from anxiety and depression  but it was just ignored or they were labeled as crazy. It is 2018 for gods sake. Let mental illness have no stigma attached to it. Just because you cant see it doesnt mean it  can be ignored. Nobody ignores you if break a bone. Well my mind is broken and so if the stigma is dropped and more effort is put in to helping people with mental illness that would be amazing. The brain is complicated but it needs to be examined and we need to figure out the causes of severe anxiety and depression. Than we can find a way for<a href="http://Archaic“> people with those illnesses to live a better life.<a href="http://Archaic“>

It takes balls to do that

I hate that saying. It insinuates that you are manly to have done whatever it is you have done. I have been told I have balls to talk about my anxiety. As a matter of fact I have a vagina. So it takes vagina to do that. I am not a man and I dont have a penis so stop saying I have balls. How would a guy like it if I said wow you have a pretty big pussy to stand up for yourself. I dont think he would like that. Just a random thought for the day.